Author Nicole Rogers

Hello everyone,

What makes you stronger, just might kill you. Interesting idea, yeah? When society is so used to thinking “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” what do you do when it feels like way too much of a burden to keep going and all those horrible thoughts become a black hole of negativity? In those moments, those so-called moments where strength is the only thing you have … there comes a breaking point where you just can’t handle any more.

I reached that point at 12 years old when my grandma passed away and the genetic bipolar disorder in my family was activated. My mom has bipolar disorder and I’ve watched her struggle with it my entire life. For those of you who don’t know, there are 2 types of bipolar disorder. Bipolar 1 and 2. I am still unclear about which one I am. My therapist diagnosed me as bipolar 2 and my physician diagnosed me as 1. So, it’s a mystery.

The thing about bipolar disorder is … you can’t possibly understand what it feels like unless you’ve lived through the symptoms. Through the mental anguish of trying not to hurt loved ones or yourself. Of ignoring those horrible thoughts in your head that tell you how worthless you are. I describe my disorder and mood swings as a light switch flipping on and off. One second, I’m angry. The next, sad. Then I’m a combination of the two or another random emotion. There are days I can’t get out of bed for anything. And then, there are days when I feel like the world is mine and I manage to clean my kitchen or do other basic chores like showering.

There isn’t a lot of representation in fantasy for bipolar characters. All of them are overpowered heroes with the most amazing weapon capable of destroying the world or saving it. There’s something beautiful about the human struggle. About the way we work through our trauma and come out on the other side healed or at least the cracks in our souls are plastered up.

People often associate bipolar disorder with being crazy. If they had gone through the same kind of trauma, maybe they would understand better how things affect us. However, that isn’t the case. We aren’t crazy. We’ve been so traumatized that our brains simply aren’t able to make the happy chemical Serotonin. Isn’t that crazy? That we get called crazy because we feel too much at once and can’t cope with it?

So, I’m working on a fantasy series with a bipolar werewolf because we simply don’t get enough representation. All over TikTok, there are content creators for ADHD. It’s time that we enter the fray as well. It’s time for people to understand bipolar disorder from our perspective.

So join me on Joey’s journey as the first bipolar werewolf and we’ll see where that road takes us.

~ Nicole Rogers